my journey to my Indians; but towards night was taken with pain in my teeth, and shivering cold, and could not possibly recover a comfortable degree of warmth the whole night following. I continued very full of pain all night; and in the morning had a very high fever, and pains almost all over me. I had a sense of the divine goodness in appointing this to be the place of my sickness, viz. among my friends that were very kind to me. I should probably have perished, if I had first got home to my own house in the wilderness, where I have none to converse with but the poor rude ignorant Indians. Here I saw

was mercy in the midst of affliction. I continued thus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday night, very fuli of pain; but through divine goodness not afraid of death. Then the extreme folly of those appeared to me, who put off their turning to God till a sick-bed. Surely this is not a time proper to prepare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off rather suddenly; I was exceeding weak, and almost fainted; but was very comfortable the night following. These words, Psal. cxviii. 17, I frequently revolved in my mind; and thought we were to prize the continuation of life only on this account,that we may" shew forth God's goodness and works of grace.

[From this time, he gradually recovered; and on the next Tuesday was so well as to be able to go forward on his journey homewards; but it was not till the Tuesday following before he reached Kaunaumeek. Great part

of this time he seems to have had a very deep sense of the vanity and emptiness of all things here below, and of the reality, nearness, and vast importance of eternal things.]

Tuesday, Oct. 4. This day rode home to my own house and people. The poor Indians appeared very glad of my return. Found my house and all things in safety. I presently fell on my knees, and blessed God for my safe return, after a long and tedious journey, and a season of sickness in several places where I had been, and after I had been sick myself. God has renewed his kindness to me, in preserving me one journey more. have taken many considerable journeys since this time

I

last year, and yet God has never suffered one of my bones to be broken, or any distressing calamity to befall me, excepting the illness I had in my last journey; though I have been often exposed to cold and hunger in the wilderness, where the comforts of life were not to be had; have frequently been lost in the woods, and sometimes obliged to ride much of the night; and once lay out in the woods all night. Blessed be God that has preserved me!

[In his diary for the next eleven days, are great complaints of distance from God, spiritual pride, corruption, and exceeding vileness. He once says, his heart was so pressed with a sense of his pollution, that he could scarcely have the assurance to desire that God should not cast him off for ever. At another time, he says, he had so little sense of God, or apprehension and relish of his glory and excellency, that it made him more disposed to kindness and tenderness towards those who are blind and ignorant of God and things divine and heavenly.]

Lord's day, Oct. 16. In the evening, God was pleased to give me a feeling sense of my own unworthiness; but through divine goodness such as tended to draw, rather than drive me from God: it filled me with deep solemnity. I retired alone, (having at this time a friend with me,) and poured out my soul to God with much freedom; and yet in anguish, to find myself so unspeakably sinful and unworthy before a holy God. Was now much re

signed under God's dispensations towards me, though my trials had been very great. But thought whether I could be resigned if God should suffer the French Indians to come upon me, and deprive me of my life, or carry me away captive, (though I knew of no special reason then to propose this trial to myself, more than any other ;) and my soul seemed so far to rest and acquiesce in God, that the sting and terror of these things seemed in a great measure gone. Presently after I came to the Indians, whom I was teaching to sing psalm-tunes that evening, I received the following letter from Stockbridge, by a messenger sent on the Sabbath on purpose, which made it appear of greater importance.

"Sir, Just now we received advices from Col. Stod

dard, that there is the utmost danger of a rupture with France. He has received the same from his Excellency our Governor, ordering him to give notice to all the exposed places, that they may secure themselves the best they can against any sudden invasion. We thought best to send directly to Kaunaumeek, that you may take proper measures for your safety that dwell there. I am, Sir, &c."

Upon reading the contents, I thought, it came in a good season; for my heart seemed fixed on God, and therefore I was not much surprised; but this news only made me more serious, and taught me that I must not please myself with any of the comforts of life which I had been preparing for my support, Blessed be God, who

gave me any intenseness and fervency this evening!

Monday, Oct. 17. Had some hopes that "God would arise and have mercy on Zion" speedily. My heart is indeed refreshed, when I have any prevailing hopes of Zion's prosperity. Oh that I may see the glorious day, when Zion shall become the joy of the whole earth! Truly there is nothing that I greatly value in this lower world.

Thursday, Oct. 20. Had but little sense of divine things this day. Alas, that so much of my precious time is spent with so little of God! Those are tedious days,

wherein I have no spirituality.

Friday, Oct. 21. Returned home to Kaunaumeek : was glad to get alone in my little cottage, and to cry to that God who seeth in secret, and is present in a wilderness.

Saturday, Oct. 22. Had but little sensible communion with God. This world is a dark cloudy mansion. Oh when will the Sun of Righteousness shine on my soul without cessation or intermission!

Lord's day, Oct. 23. In the morning, had a little dawn of comfort arising from the hope of seeing glorious days in the church of God: was enabled to pray for it with some degree of fervency. In the forenoon, treated on the glories of heaven; in the afternoon, on the miseries of hell, and the danger of going there. Had some freedom and warmth, both parts of the day: the people

were very attentive. In the evening, two or three came to me under serious concern. I was enabled to discourse closely and earnestly with them: oh that God would be merciful to their poor souls!

[He seems, through the whole of this week, to have been greatly concerned to fill up every inch of time in the service of God, and to have been most diligently employed in study, prayer, and instructing the Indians; and from time to time expresses longings of soul after God, and the advancement of his kingdom.]

Lord's day, Oct. 30. In the morning, enjoyed some fixedness of soul in prayer, which was indeed sweet and desirable; was enabled to leave myself with God, and to acquiesce in him. At noon I was refreshed with reading Rev. iii. more especially the 11th and 12th verses. longed for that blessed day, when I should "dwell in the temple of God," and "go no more out" of his immediate presence!

Monday, Oct. 31. Rode to Kinderhook, about fifteen miles from my place. While riding, I felt some divine sweetness in the thoughts of being "a pillar in the temple of God" in the upper world, and being no more deprived of his blessed presence, and the sense of his favour, which is better than life. My soul was so lifted up to God, that I could pour out my desires to him, for more grace and further degrees of sanctification, with abundant freedom. I longed to be more prepared for that blessedness, with which I was then in some measure refreshed. Returned home in the evening, but took a bad cold by riding in the night.

Tuesday, November 1. Was very much disordered in body, and sometimes full of pain in my face and teeth; was not able to study much, and had but little spiritual comfort. Alas, when God is withdrawn, all is gone.Had some sweet thoughts, which I could not but write down, on the design, nature, and end of Christianity.

Wednesday, Nov. 2. Was still more indisposed in body, and in much pain most of the day: had not much comfort; was scarcely able to study at all, and still entirely alone in the wilderness. But, blessed be the Lord, that

I am not exposed in the open air. I have a house, and many of the comforts of life to support me. I have learned in a measure, that all good things, relating both to time and eternity, come from God. In the evening, had some degree of quickening in prayer: I think, God gave me some sense of his presence.

Thursday, Nov. 3. Spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning till night. Early in the morning, had some assistance in prayer. Afterwards, read the story of Elijah the prophet, 1 Kings xvii. xviii. and xix. chapters, and also 2 Kings ii. and iv. chapters. My soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal and power of that holy man, how he wrestled with God in prayer. My soul then cried with Elisha, "Where is the Lord God of Elijah!" I longed for more faith. My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a "double portion of that spirit," which was given to Elijah, might "rest on me." And that which was divinely refreshing and strengthening to my soul, was, I saw that God is the same that he was in the days of Elijah. Was enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent, humble, intense and importunate manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to expect from him. I had for many months entirely lost all hopes of being made instrumental of doing any special service for God in the world; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so vile should be thus improved for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this hope. Afterwards read the iiid chapter of Exodus and on to the xxth, and saw more of the glory and majesty of God discovered in those chapters, than ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean time falling on my knees, and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation of the divine glory. Especially the iiid and ivtb, and part of the xivth and xvth chapters, were unspeakably sweet; my soul blessed God, that he had shewn himself so gracious to his servants of old. The xvth chapter seemed to be the very language which my soul uttered in the season of my first spiritual comfort, when I had just got through