Bishops for a scarce Chimney sweeper, and barter the family of Stuart for a gang of Conspirators. So little taste and gallantry have they, that I have seen Anne Boleyne and Mary Queen of Scots given for Moll Cutpurse; and it is not above a month ago that one of the sect, in a public shop in Westminster, in the presence of several clergymen, offered Bishop Latimer, Sir Thomas More, and five Gresham Professors, for Colly Molly Puff. A gay youth may be of opinion, that the exchange of a superannuated Judge for a wise Virgin is not very injudicious; but it is intolerable to think that an old Sexton should be pitted against a whole Dean and chapter, and Mother Louse take precedence of Queen Elizabeth. Yet such anarchy of taste and estimation is peculiar to the bigots of this sect, who respect none of those qualities which the rest of mankind have agreed to reverence. Principles, political or religious, are nothing in their reckoning. The Reformation, the Restoration, and the Revolution, are with them mere dates, and nothing else. I have known a whole series of Arminian Divines exchanged for a hairy woman playing on the harpsichord,' and the venerable head of Calvin basely bartered for dumb Jack; nay, if Tiddy Doll could be purchased by the Long Parliament, there are many who would think it an excellent bargain. The most learned of our Prelates cannot sometimes stand in competition with Hugh Peters; and those Illustrators will often prefer conspirators to loyal subjects, for no reason that I can conceive, unless that they are ready beheaded to their hand. One of them, as a great favour, shewed me the other day a head of Esop of Eton, the drunken, funking, rhyming cobler.' And what do you suppose, Mr. Projector, had he given for this worthy personage? I tremble while I write it--but the price of this drunken, funking, rhyming cobler, was three of Queen Mary's Martyrs, two Geneva Reformers, six Oxford Founders, Archbishop Cranmer, and a head that once belonged to Charles I. "Such are some of the practices of this sect. And now I leave it to be determined by your readers, whether they do not deserve to be taken into very serious consideration. I have furnished with the data, and I hope you will make a proper use of them. you "I am, Sir, Your humble servant, ANTI-GUILLOTINE." The length of my correspondent's letter will necessarily prevent my offering many remarks on the subject of it in this paper. The growing evil has not escaped my observation, although, what my correspondent terms a sect and a conspiracy, I am rather inclined to think is a disease; and I freely confess I myself have not been without some smart attacks of it, however I may have endeavoured to keep it down. The disease is very well known, principally under the name of a Granger; it is a vast gathering, and the characteristic symptom is a reluctance in the patient to have it dispersed. I know a very worthy young man who was seized with it a few months ago, and is a deplorable instance of its power. I shall, perhaps, relate his unhappy case in a future paper. THE PROJECTOR. N° 3. Ira furor brevis est, Animum rege, qui nisi paret HOR March 1802. THE principal characteristic of the family of the PROJECTORS, to which, however unworthy, I have the honour to belong, is equality of temper. Whether this has arisen from philosophy or constitution, whether we have suppressed our angry passions, or were born without them, must be left to conjecture; but, after carefully inspecting our history, I do not find an instance upon record of any of my ancestors having been ruffled by cross accidents, or these little trials of perplexity and vexation which so frequently destroy good-humour. I account it, therefore, a great happiness to be allied to a family of this description: for, after we have made a fair and liberal estimate of all the blessings of life, of rank, title, and wealth, we must at last give the preference to cheerfulness. By what means we have secured this advantage in perpetuity, will probably appear in the course of these lucubrations: in the mean time, however, to prevent erroneous speculations, I desire it may be remembered that the family motto is contentus parvo; that the world has never been very lavish in its honours or rewards; and that Projectors have generally been a despised order of men: and, to make curiosity still more anxious to know how we have contrived to preserve this valuable inheritance, undiminished by extravagance, forfeiture, or mortgage, I must farther add that some of us have been engaged in law-suits, some have lived in a state of dependence, and some have been married. As every man, who possesses any advantage, and is, at the same time, not of a niggardly disposition, naturally desires to impart it to others; so, among the many Projects on which my time has been employed, is to be found the outline of a scheme for the regulation of temper; but I am sorry to add, that after trying numberless experiments, I have not been able to bring it to such perfection as either to justify me in applying for a patent to sell, or encourage me to seek a remuneration for disclosing the secret. |