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<< say old Hendrick the Sachem would have made a "good figure in the House of Commons. There is "something very elegant in the Covenant-belt; but << pray what a pox are those damned Strings of "Wampum? I cannot find any account of them in "Chambers's Dictionary." He then entered into a dissertation on the War-whoop; and turning to the apothecary, "Doctor, said he, what do you think of scalping?" The Doctor replied, that for his part he imagined it to be somewhat in the nature of an epispastic or blister. “Ay, (said the other reverend Doc
tor, shaking his head,) it is a very barbarous custom "indeed; though it is no wonder, since they have "only a few Jesuits among them; so that they have "very little notion of christianity."
War never fails of producing groundless and contradictory reports; and if fame is a lying jade in town, she is the idlest gossip that ever spoke in the country. We have gained several forts, but lost them all back again the next post. At one time we burnt, sunk, took, and destroyed the whole French fleet, though it had not stirred out of Brest harbour; and but last week we shot off poor Boscawen's legs, and made him fight like Witherington, on his stumps; till a letter from Sir Politic's nephew confuted this report, and set the admiral on his legs again.
I am, dear cousin,
No. LXXVII. THURSDAY, JULY 17.
Cum pulchris tunicis sumet nova consilia et spes.
Wisdom with periwigs, with cassocs grace,
To Mr. Town.
I READ your late paper, shewing the close analogy, which cloathing the body bears to adorning the mind; and am thoroughly persuaded, that the generality of mankind would be as glad to embellish their minds as to set off their persons, if they could procure knowledge, virtue, and good-nature, with the same ease that they can furnish themselves with the ornaments of the body. The clown in rug and duffel can, at a moment's warning, be furnished with a complete suit of embroidery from Monmouth-street, his long lank greasy hair may be exchanged in Middlerow for a smart bag or a jemmy scratch; and his clouted shoes with the rough hobnails in the heel and the sole clumping at every step, may be transformed into a pair of dancing pumps at the Yorkshire warehouse, or the Old Crispin in Cranbourn-alley. The draggled street-walker can rig herself with a clean smock, linen gown, and an hat smartly cocked up behind and before, in broad St. Giles's; or if she can afford it, every pawn-broker will let out a gold watch with coronets, a tissue or brocaded sack, and all the peraphernalia of a countess. But where Mr. Town, can these people go to cloath their minds, or at what shops are retailed sense and virtue? Honour and honesty are not to be purchased in Monmouth street; knowledge is not infused into the head through the powder-puff; and, as good wine needs no bush, sense
is not derived from the full-bottomed periwig. The woman of the town, vamped up for shew with paint, patches, plumpers, and every external ornament that art can administer, knows no method to beautify her mind. She cannot for any price buy chastity in Broad St. Giles's, or hire honesty from the pawnbroker's.
Seeing therefore, at one view the difficulty in obtaining the accomplishments of the mind, and the exact analogy they bear to dress, I have been labouring this week past to remedy that inconvenience, and have at length devised a scheme, which will fully answer that purpose. In a word then, I shall next winter open a shop or ware-house in the most public part of the town, under the name of a Mind-and-bodyclothier: two trades which, though never yet united, are so far from being incompatible, that they are in their nature inseparable. I shall not only supply my friends with a suit or a single virtue, but furnish them with complete habits of mind and body from head to foot and by a certain secret art in the form and texture of the things sold, the required virtues shall be as inherent in them, as the materials of which they are composed. That such virtues may be transfused by cloathes is evident from experience. In the narrow extent of my reading, Mr. Town, I remember to have met with an account of Fortunatus's wishingcap, by which he could transport himself in an instant from one place to another: it is also well known, that the famous Jack the Giant-killer, possessed a sword of sharpness, shoes of swiftness, and a coat of invisibility. Why then may not I sell a surtout of patriotism, or a sword of honour, and retail modesty and chastity to fine ladies in tuckers and aprons?
No one, who duly considers the natural influence which cloaths commonly have upon their wearers, will object to my scheme as utterly impracticable. That
a person can put on or throw off the internal habits of his mind together with his coat or his periwig, is plain in very numerous instances. The young counsellor, who every morning in term-time takes the measure of Westminster-hall with the importance of a judge upon the circuit, at once divests himself of his gravity with the starched band and long robe, and resumes the spirit of a buck together with a sword and bag-wig. In the same manner the orthodox vicar once a week wraps himself up in piety and virtue with his canonicals; which qualities are as easily cast off again as his surplice; and for the rest of the week he wears the dress as well as the manners of his foxhunting patron. We may learn the disposition of a man by his apparel, as we know the trade of a carpenter by his leathern apron, or a soldier by his red coat. When we see a snuff-coloured suit of ditto with bolus buttons, a metal-headed cane, and an enormous bushy grizzle, we as readily know the wearer to be a dispenser of life and death, as if we had seen him pounding a mortar or brandishing a clyster-pipe. The dif ferent affections of the mind have been distinguished by different colours; as scarlet has been made to represent valour, yellow to denote jealousy, and true blue to signify integrity. Thus we may likewife discover all the virtues and vices lurking in the different parts of the apparel. When at a city feast I see the guests tucking their napkins into their shirt-collars, as if they were all of them going to be shaved, I very well know that their thoughts wear a different dress than in the alley; and when the antiquated toast is laying on her complexion at the toilet, and repairing the ruins of beauty, what is she doing but patching her mind with pride and conceit ? In a word, I can discover impudence staring from the bold cock of a Kevenhuller, parsimony skulking in a darned stocking, coquetry spread out in an hoop-petticoat, and
foppery dangling from a shoulder-knot. I often please myself with thus remarking the various dresses of the mind; and by the clue you have already given us, I have been able to unfold the inmost linings of the heart, and discover the very stuff of the thoughts.'
It must, however, be owned, that in these matters the nicest penetration may be imposed on; since in the present random method of dressing, many persons appear in masquerade. This inconvenience, among others, will be remedied by my project; for as whoever deals with me will at once cloath his mind and his body, the whole town will be dressed in character. Thus, if a chimney-sweeper or a plough-boy put on a suit of embroidery, a sword, bag-wig, &c. they will at the same time invest themselves with the internal dignity of a person of quality: my lady's youngest son may buy courage with his regimentals, and orthodoxy may be purchased at the same time with a gown and cassock by the young smarts from the universities. My scheme also farther recommends itself, by laying open the only path to virtue and knowledge, that the world will chuse to follow; for, as my cloaths will always be cut according to the newest and most elegant manner, these qualifications of the mind, inherent in them, must necessarily come into fashion. Thus our fine gentlemen will learn morality under their valet de chambre; and a young lady of fashion will acquire new accomplishments with every new ribband, and become virtuous as well as beautiful at her toilet. I depend on your readiness to promote my scheme: but what I most earnestly entreat of you, Mr. Town, is to use your utmost interest with the polite world, but especially with the ladies, not to discard cloaths entirely; as by such a resolution my scheme must be defeated; and, indeed, it will not be in the power of man to give them virtue, if they determine