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ACT I.

SCENE I.-Windsor.-Before PAGE's House. Enter Justice SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Sir HUGH EVANS.

Shal. Sir Hugh, persuade me not, I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, Esquire.

Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram.

I shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.

Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to master George Page, which is pretty virginity.

Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small † like a woman.

Era. It is that fery verson for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and Cust-alorum t. monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman his death's bed, (Got deliver to a joyful resurrecborn, master parson; who writes himself armigero; tions!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ar-years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave our migero.

Shal. Ay, that we do; and have done any time these three hundred years.

Slen. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their

coat.

Shal. It is an old coat.

Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love.

Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

Slen. I may quarter, coz?

Shal. You may, by marrying.

Eva. It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal. Not a whit.

Eva. Yes, py'rt lady: if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but this is all one: if Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my bene. volence, to make atonements and compromises between you.

Shal. The Council shall hear it; it is a riot. Eva. It is not meet the Council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot; the Council, look you,

• A title formerly appropriated to chaplains. + Custos rotulorum.

⚫ Court of Star-chamber.

By our.

pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham, and mistress Anne Page.

Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

penny.

Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is good gifts.

Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page:-Is Falstaff there?

Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you be ruled by your well willers. Í will peat the door [Knocks] for master Page. What, hoa? Got bless your house here!

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Page. A cur, Sir.

Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog :-Can there be more said? He is good, and fair.-Is Sir John Falstaff here?

Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

Eva. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed, he hath ;-at a word, he hath ;-believe me; -Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes Sir John.

Enter Sir JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYм, and PISTOL.

Fal. Now, master Shallow; yon'll complain of me to the King?

Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my deer, and broke open my lodge.

Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?
Shal. Tut, a pin! This shall be answer'd.

Fal. I will answer it straight; I have done all this:-That is now answer'd.

Shal. The Council shall know this. Fal. "Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel you'll be laughed at.

Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts! Good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; What matter have you against ine? Slen. Marry, Sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards pick'd my pocket.

Bar. You Banbury cheese!
Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ||?
Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Nym. Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca ¶; slice! That's my humour.

Slen. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

Eva. Peace: I pray you! Now let us understand: there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand that is-master Page, fidelicet, master Page: and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them.

Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards, 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol,-

Pist. He hears with ears.

Eva. The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.

Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards**, that cost me two shillings and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol?

Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pist. Ha, thou mountain foreigner -Sir John,
and master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :
Word of denial in thy labras ‡‡ here;

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest.

Slen. By these gloves, then 'twas he.

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will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it.

Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John ? Bard. Why, Sir, for my part, I say, the gentle. man had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: tie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fapt, Sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires 1. Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Era. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentle. men; you hear it.

Enter Mistress ANNE PAGE with Wine; Mistress FORD and Mistress PAGE following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! This is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met by your leave, good mistress.

[Kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

[Exeunt all but Shal. Slender, and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here :

Enter SIMPLE.

How now, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you?

Sim. Book of Riddles! Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ¿?

Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here;-Do you understand me?

Slen. Ay, Sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, Sir.

Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender : I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

Sten. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me! He's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But this is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage.

Shal. Ay, there's the point, Sir.

Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page.

Slen. Why if it be so I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands.

Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-therefore, precisely, "can you carry your good will to the maid?

Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, Sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason.

Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

Shal. That you must :-Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz:-Can you love the maid ?

Slen. I will marry her, Sir, at your request; but

Nym. Be advised, Sir, and pass good humours: I if there be no great love in the beginning, yet hea

Cotswold in Gloucestershire.

+ Worts was the ancient name of all the cabbage kind. 1 Sharpers. Nothing but paring. The name of an ugly spirit. Few words. King Edward's shillings, used in the game of shuffle-board. Blade as thin as a lath. Lips.

Iven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will

If you say I am a thief.
The bounds of good behaviour,
An intended blunder.

+ Drunk,

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Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely.

grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

Eva. It is a very discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely ;-his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Sten. Ay, or else I would I might be hang'd, la. Re-enter ANNE PAGE.

Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne :-Would I were young, for your sake, Mrs. Anne.

Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worship's company.

Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt Shallow and Sir H. Evans. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, Sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

Anne. The dinner attends you, Sir.

Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth :— Go, sirral, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man;-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.

Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come.

Sten. 'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did.

Anne. I pray yon, Sir, walk in.

Sten. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my skin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of stew'd prunes; and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so! Be there bears i' the town? [of. Anne. I think, there are, Sir; I heard them talk'd Sten. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England:-You are afraid if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, Sir.

Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sacherson + loose twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it, that it pass'd :-But women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favour'd rough things.

Re-enter PAGE.

Page. Come, gentle master Siender, come; we stay for you.

Šlen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, Sir.

Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: Said I well, bully Hector?

Fal. Do so, good mine host.

Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow.

[Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a wither'd serving-man, a fresh tapster; go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield?

Nym. He was gotten in drink: Is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it.

Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinder-box; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. [rest.

Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! Foh; a fico for the phrase!

+

Fal. Well, Sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue.

Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; I must shift.

Pist. Young ravens must have food.
Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town?
Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good.
Fal. My honest ads, I will tell you what I am
Pist. Two yards, and more.
[about.

Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invita tion: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstap's.

Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English.

Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Ful. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels. Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I.

Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me

Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, Sir: the angels. come, come.

Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way.

Page. Come on, Sir.

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Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.

Pist. Then did the sun on dung-hill shine.
Nym. I thank thee for that humour.

Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaterý to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I wild trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? Then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation.

Fal. Hold, sirrah, [To Rob.] bear you these letters tightly;

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.-
Rogues, hence, avaunt! Vanish like hail-stones, go;
Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age,
French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page..
[Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.
Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! For gourd, and
fullam¶holds,

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34

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR,

And high and low beguile the rich and poor:
Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!

Nym, I have operations in my head,which be humours of revenge.

Pist. Wilt thou revenge?

Nym. By welkin, and her star!
Pist. With wit or steel!

Nym. With both the humours, I:

I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold,

How Falstaff, varfet vile,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense+ Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour.

Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second [Exeunt. thee; troop on.

SCENE IV-A Room In Dr. CAIUS's House.
Enter Mrs. QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY.
Quick. What; John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to
the casement, and see if you can see my master,
master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and
find any body in the house, here will be an old
abusing of God's patience, and the king's English.
[Exit Rugby.
Rug. I'll go watch.
Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at
night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no
tell-tale, nor no breed-bates: his worst fault is, that
he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that
way but nobody but has his fault;-but let that
pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
Sim. Ay, for fault of a better.

Quick. And master Slender's your master?
Sim. Ay, forsooth,

Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife?

Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-colour'd beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tail¶ a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener **.

Quick. How say you?-0, I should remember him; Does he not hold up his head, as it were? And strut in his gait?

Sim. Yes, indeed, does he,

Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish

Re-enter RUGBY.

Rug. Out, alas! Here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent++: run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in the closet. He will not stay long.-What, John Rugby John, what, John, I say!Go, John, go enquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes not home:-and down, down, adown-a, &c. [Sings.

Enter Doctor CAIUS.

Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys;
Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boilier
verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak ?
A green-a box.

Quick. Ay, for sooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad
he went not in himself: if he had found the young
man, he would have been horn-mad.

[Aside.

Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud.
Je m'en vais à la Cour,-la grande affaire.
Quick. Is it this, Sir?

Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depeche,
quickly:-Vere is dat knave Rugby?
Quick. What, John Rugby! John!
Rug. Here, Sir.

Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack
Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after
my heel to de court.

Rug. 'Tis ready, Sir, here in the porch.

• Sixpence I'll have in pocket.

1 Jealousy.

Brave.

+ Instigate. Foolish.

Strife.

The keeper of a warren.

tt Scolded, reprimanded.

Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Oďs me;
Qu'ay j'oublié? Dere is some simples in my close,
dat 1 vil not for the varld I shall leave behind.
Quick. Ah me! He'll find the young man there,
and be mad.

Caius. O diable, diable! Vat is in my closet?-
Villainy! Larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, iny
rapier.

Quick. Good master, be content.

Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a?

Quick. The young man is an honest man.

Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet!
Dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; hear
he came of an errand to me from
parson Hugh?
the truth of it
Cains. Vell.

Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to--
Quick. Peace I pray you.

Caius. Peace-a your tongue :- Speak-a your tale.
Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your
maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page,
for my master, in the way of marriage.

Quick. This is all indeed, la; but I'll ne'er pat Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you ?-Rugby, baillez me my finger in the fire, and need not. some paper:-Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy-but notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can and the very yea and the no is, the French Doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under all myself:body's hand.

one

Quick. Are you advised o' that? You shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late; -but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear; 1 in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstandwould have no words of it;) my master himself is nor there. ing that,-I know Anne's mind,-that's neither here

Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh: by gar, it is a challenge: I vill cut his troat in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make :-You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: by gar, I vill cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to [Exit Simple. trow at his dog.

Quick. Alas; he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat:-Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?-By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon :By gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.

Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

Cuius. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-by gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. of my door:-Follow my heels, Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.

Enter FENTON.

Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good wor ship to ask.

Fent. What news? How does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, Sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not loose my suit?

Quick. Troth, Sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale;-good faith, it

The goujere, what the pox!

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is such another Nan;-but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread :-We had an hour's talk of that wart;—I shall never laugh but in that maid's company. But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing: but for you.-Well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend meQuick. Will I? I' faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.

Fent. Well, farewell! I am in great haste now. [Exit. Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not: for I know Anne's mind as well as another does :-Out upon't! What have I forgot? [Exit.

ACT II.

SCENE I-Before PAGE's House. Enter Mistress PAGE, with a Letter. Mrs. Page. What! Have I'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let nie see: [Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precision ‡, he admits him not for his counsellor :-You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I: Ha! ha! Then there's more sympathy: you love suck, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice), that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight,

By day or night,

Or any kind of light, With all his might, For thee to fight,

John Falstaff. What a Herod of Jewry is this?-O wicked, wicked world!-One that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to shew himself a young gallant! What an unweigh'd behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard pick'd (with the devil's name) out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company -What should I say to him?-I was then frugal of my mirth;-heaven forgive me!-Why I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? For revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress FORD. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! Trust me, ing to your house.

Mrs. Page. And, trust me, You look very ill.

I was goI was coming to you.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to shew to the contrary.

Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could shew you to the contrary: 0, mistress Page, give me some counsel!

Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O, woman, if it were not for one trifing respect, I could come to such honour!

Mrs. Page Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour: what is it ?-Dispense with trifles:-What

is it?

Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eter nal moment, or so, I could be knighted.

Mrs. Page. What?-Thou liest!-Sir Alice Ford! --These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light-Here, read, read; -perceive how I might be knighted.-I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking; and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere, and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor ? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wick

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ed fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.Did you ever hear the like?

Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names, (sure more,) and these are of the second edition: he will print them out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man.

Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: what doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me al most ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in ine, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck.

hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with to mine Host of the Garter. a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses

against him, that may not sully the chariness of Mrs. Ford, Nay, I will consent to act any villainy It would give eternal food to his jealousy. our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter!

Mrs. Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too; he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: come hither. [They retire.

Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and NYM.
Ford. Well, I hope it be not so.
Pist. Hope is a curtail + dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife.

[poor,

Ford. Why, Sir, my wife is not young. Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves thy gally-mawfry ; Ford, perpend §. Ford. Love my wife?

Pist. With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Acteon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels:O, odious is the name!

Ford. What name, Sir?

[night:

Pist. The horn, I say: farewell. Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by Take heed; ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing.

Away, Sir corporal Nym.-—

Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit Pistol. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this.

Nym. And this is true. [To Page.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wrong'd me in some humours: I should have borne the humour'd letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch. 'Tis true ;-my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's the humour of it. Adieu. [Exit Nym.

Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! Here's a fellow frights humour out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff.

Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting Ford. If I do find it, well.

[rogue.

Page. I will not believe such a Cataian though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. Page. How now, Meg?

Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? Why art thou melancholy?

Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.-Get you home, go.

Mrs. Ford. 'Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to din

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