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When I can command time, I may give you some more scraps from my port-folio, which never saw the light of day, and which I think worth preserving. Meantime,

I am, Sir,

Philad. April 10, 1809.

Yours respectfully,




A CLUB of choice fellows each fortnight employ,
An evening in laughter, good humour, and joy;
Like the National Council they often debate,
And settle the army, the navy, the state,
Derry down, &c.

If you would know, somewhat more of this class,
Like the kings in Macbeth, one by one they shall pass:
The man, who cant bear a good-natur'd rub,
I am sure is unworthy a place in this club,
Derry down, &c.

The first of the list is stout Thomas the tall,

Who can make us all laugh, though he laughs at us all:
But, enter now, Thomas, you and I, if you please,
Must take care, not to laugh ourselves out of our fees,
Derry down, &c.

group, that

Rough Peter'st the next of the
With his weather-beat face, and his heathery hair;
His humour is blunt, and his sayings are snell:
He's a damn'd honest heart, in a villainous shell,
Derry down, &c.

* Dr. Thomas Hamilton, an eminent physician, and professor of anatomy in Glasgow College.

† Peter Blackburn, Esq. merchant. Mr. Blackburn, Chesnut-street, in this city, lately deceased, was cousin to this gentleman.

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Honest Davis* slinks in, with a slovenly air,
Belov'd by his friends, though o'erlook'd by the Fair,
About ladies, and dress, he ne'er troubles his head;
But pulls out his pigtail, and takes to the quid,
Derry down, &c.

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With feelings too keen to be ever at ease,
A lover of satire, though afraid to displease;
Applauded, a wit, but when censur'd, a dunce;
Retort on Dunlop, and you gag him at once,
Derry down, &c.

What whistling and singing now grateth our ears;0;417
By the music, 'tis Campbell † of Clathie appears:
To do good, he in will, nor ability, fails,—

I wish he'd leave whistling, and mumping his nails,
Derry down, &c.

An obsequious Doctors appears next in view,
Who smoothly glides in, with a minuet bow;
In manners so soft, in apparel how trig,
And a vast deal of physic contain❜d in his wig,
Derry down, &c.

Dr. Cr

Easy Murdoch comes

a plines:T
Does a merchant, a squire, or a soldier come next,
Or a medley of all the three characters mixt:
No better companion, than Baird,|| have I known;
When he apes no man's manners-but sticks to his own,
Derry down, &c.

Crosse, an amiable and eminent clergyman.

comes sauntering, as if in a dream,

Who ne'er strives with the current, but flows with the stream;

Presintima A


¶ Peter Murdoch, Esq. a respectable merchant.


John Campbell, Esq. of Clathie, an eminent merchant, and banker. James Dunlop, of, Esq, of of Garnkirk, also an eminent merchant, and high personal talents. This gentleman is still alive, and has some sons, I believe, respectable merchants in Virginia.

Dr. Stevenson; a fashionable and eminent physician, professor of medicine in Glasgow College, and brother-in-law to the celebrated Dr. Hope of Edinburg.

John Baird, Esq. of Craigton, a respectable landholder, or country.

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In your voyage through life, Peter, choose your friends well; 'Tis in their power to land you, in heaven or in hell, ·

Derry down, &c.

What precise, dapper gentleman now treads the scene,
So grave in his dress, so composed in his mien :-
Why, Ritchie,* run contrary to general rule
He always looks wise, though he's never a fool,
Derry down, &c.

Begot, born, and bred, in John Calvin's meek faith,
How darest thou rage, like a Pagan, in wrath;
"If works without faith, are not call'd to account,
"Gad damme," says Archy,†"if my soul will mount,"
Derry down, &c.

A pair of gold buckles, without any carving;
The figure and workmanship not worth a farthing;
At home manufactur'd, and plenty of metal,
An emblem of Orr, and it fits to a tittle,
Derry down, &c.

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The surly companion, he brings up the rear;
Who looks so morose, and still speaks with a sneer,
Would fain have you think him a poet and wit;
But, egad, Dr. Moore, you are damnably bit,
Derry down, &c.

James Ritchie, Esq. an eminent banker and merchant. A son of this gentleman fell in a duel, a few years ago, in Virginia.

† Archibald Henderson, Esq. an eminent merchant, son of a respectable clergyman. A brother of this gentleman lives on his estate, nigh Dumfries, Virginia, and one of his sons was a merchant lately at Alexandria.


John Orr, Esq. an eminent lawyer, and city clerk of Glasgow. § The Author closes up the rear, in the last verse, descriptive of himself.

3 u



IF the following trifle is deemed worthy of a place in The Port Folio, a few, at least, of Mr. Oldschool's subscribers will be gratified. It is offered by one whose former contributions to that Miscellany, were received with some little applause; and who may possibly be recollected as the author of Emily Hammond," "An Essay on shaking hands," and half a dozen "poetical posies," presented in 1807.,

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The writer is well aware that, in the present form of The Port Folio, less room is probably afforded for the sportive effusions of Taste, Sentiment, or Frolic, than its former weekly publication furnished: and on this account he is prepared to expect either Criticism or Rejection.

WHAT, Harry! still solus? no wife in the chace?
Still afraid of that soul-chilling "No?"

Poor faint-hearted soul! how I pity your case!

More timid the older you grow.

Here are blue eyes and black eyes—the fair and brunette—
The grave, the coquette, and the prude:
From stately Melinda to fidgetting Bet:
"I know it—I would if I could.”

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See Clara-sweet model of feminine grace!
How can you behold her unmov'd!
A temper more sweet, or a lovlier face,

Might be worshipp'd, but could not be lov'd.

Will sighing and wishing e'er bring to your arms,
A damsel so charming and good?
Not a single endeavour for so many charms?
"Dont teaze me-I would if I could."

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On Mira's blue eye could an anchorite
Nor kindle amain at the view?


With calmness to glance on so 'witching a face,
Was reserv'd for a puppy like you.


The rose and the lily bloom bright on her cheek-
Her lips! how with nectar imbu'd!od ef
You monster of dulness! and why dont you speak,
"Why hang ye!—I would if I could !”


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Have J's attractions no longer a charm?
Or what can have render'd them less?
Can sweetness so touching, and goodness so warm
Excite not a wish to possess?

Your sense of her merit you oft have avow'd

By heav'n you deserve a ratan-
Go-whine, like a school-boy, "I would if I could,"
"God help me!—I will if I can."


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THE following elegant, erudite and sublime poem, equally destitute of hyperbole and bombast, was composed under the full inspiration of a long beard and the unpaid bill of my tailor. dhalt


We ha
I barel-li

O, FOR a quill from Python's dragon wing,
Fledged with his scales, and pointed with his sting;
O, for an ink-horn of Etnean height,

Whose crater's depth should mock an ocean's right;
O, for a Stygian stream of ink more black

Than soul of Satan, or than Cackle's clack;
O, for a page of lamellated snow,

Whose tangent plane might hide the world below;
O, for an arm, with giant's sinews wound,
To drive this pen and ink this page around;
To frank at once to everlasting fame
Imperial Huggins' death-defying name;

Sylphs, ye that lead, the salient hairs among,
In stern array, your tardy marching throng,
Pierce, with keen tubes, the prurient folds of skin,
And suck your gory nurture from within!
You shrunk amazed, and trembled at the sight,
When, comb in hand, stern Huggins rush'd to light-
Seiz'd the long nose, the trembling whiskers smote,
Strapp'd his keen blade, and shav'd the subject throat.
Lo, in his halls the matchless shaver stands,
The keen steel glittering in his technic hands;

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